I'm tired of being bad at the game

I'm a long time player, jungle main, and I've been stuck in low / mid gold for ages. That's why I'm here. First please understand that it's NOT a ranking issue. I'm really honest when I tell you that I don't care of being gold, or plat, or silver, anyway if you're below grandmaster you're not high enough to make it matter in your life so really, I don't need TIPS to CLIMB. You may tell me "play Kha and Evelynn that's free LP", it may help me climb a division or two, that's not what's going to help me understand the game. My problem is that I'm stuck not in the ladder, but in my level of play. I'm just bad at the game and that's what's bothering me. I'm oblivious. I play, I sometimes win and sometimes lose, but I'm not learning, I'm not stepping up or getting any better in any way. I'm not even indentifying mistakes though I know there are thouthands of them otherwise I'd be Challenger. It's almost like my games were coinflip, sometime I win or I lose but I don't really feel involved or responsible for the outcome, although I know that I sometime do good and sometime do bad ofc (I'm not THAT oblivious). Sometimes I'll be good and on point, and other times I'll feel like the game is totally out of hands and that I have no impact on it whatsoever. I've been watching guides, I've been watching challenger replays, I've been watching my own replays but ultimately I don't feel like it's really helping in any way. I don't know if there's someone out there who's been in this state but managed to get in a process of learning the game instead of just tryharding without any lead to improve.
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