I've been thinking about what happens when I win and when I lose. I dont like to lose, that's true, but I dont like to win neither. I dont enjoy the wins in this game. And I was thinking about that because this is something that I have read a good amount of times from other players "I dont enjoy to win in this game". I've been wondering why.
I came to the conclussion that when I win 2 things happen:
1) We won and I was involved in this win. Or we won and we would have won exactly the same way if I had done nothing at all. The last situation I think is one of the reasons why I dont enjoy to win, I feel irrelevant so I dont consider this victory as MY victory, but... meeeehh, I just dont care.
2) We won, and I have been winning a lot lately, and ohhhh boy, I know what's going to happen, I know what kind of players I am going to find in my team in the next games, I know what kind of sheeeeet I am going to deal with in the next games. Because I'm winning. My brain just cracks, my brain rewarding systems tells me that WINNING IS BAD. And, hence, I cant enjoy my wins neither.
Those 2 things make the game unenjoyable at all, you cant enjoy to lose (for obvious reasons) and you cant enjoy to win. I dont know exactly why I play, maybe for self improvement or something like that, maybe because I have nothing else to do after having dinner and before going to sleep. But I cant enjoy this game.
Plus, I'm 100% sure that this game messing with brain rewarding system is one of the main reasons why this community is incredibly toxic.
On top of that, this game has the same problem that poker has, variance. You can play perfectly, and still lose. You need to play 100000000 games to be placed in your actual skill spot. There is no correlation between playing good and winning (edit: in a single isolated game, maybe correlation is not the word, but you know what I mean), hence your brain rewarding system doesnt know how to properly reward you, since it cant reward you when you win (because you won but maybe you played bad so there is no direct reward for winning) and neither when you lost (because, well, you lost, dude, even if you played good, you lost). Tons of books have been written about that, and it's completely proved that those kind of games destroy people from the inside and you need to have a very special mindset to play those games consistenly. And this mindset is to have no emotional attachement AT ALL, i.e., not to enjoy (or suffer) the game no matter if you win or lose.
The truth is that, this game is not enjoyable. Why do yo play this game? do you enjoy it for real? have you ever wondered if you enjoy playing LoL actually?
_**I talk only about SOLO players**_, not players that play with teammates, since it invalidates everything I have said.