I made a smurf, just to stay anonym because this is very emberassing to me. I am posting this here, because League is my life and I don't know where else to go. Also, can a moderator please put this into the "Off-Topic" boards? I can only post in "Help & Support" and I know it's the incorrect board.
I am lonely. I have no friends, I never had. I am an introvert, I hate it to play or be with others. As long as I am alone I am happy. I am not even interested in sex or something like that. Call me a loser if you will.
But something happened that made me really depressed and unhappy with my life: I watched Regular Show, a cartoon on Cartoon Network. It is not good, but not bad either. It is wierd, but I like it. I enjoyed it. But then I reached the finale of Season 4 and it destroyed me inside.
If you are not familiar with what I am talking about, in that show there is a guy that loves that girl, but he never had the guts to talk to her or go out with her. They never went into a deeper relationship. They eventually became good friends, but nothing more than that. Then they finally escaped the friendzone, but shortly after she brakes up with him, because she goes to college. She can't miss this opportunity, so she leaves him.
I don't know how a cartoon can hit me so deep. I kinda relate to that guy so badly. Like him, I am nothing special. I am lazy and just do stuff that is neccessary. Work is not important and I live my life as it comes. But then that episode happened, where she leaves him and I just can't handle it.
I don't care about the cartoon or what will happen next in it, but it reflected upon me so deeply. I am alone, have no one to talk to. And that episode made me realize that I want more than this, that I want a relationship. It hit me so deep and emotionally, that I literally have nightmares because of it; in my dreams I always have a realationship with that cartoon girl and it always ends with her leaving me. This is so %%%%ed up and I want this to end. I think I am crazy. I can't take it anymore.
But how do I find a girl that likes me? Online dating is bullshit. The school I go to has almost no girls, and those have a boyfriend already. And I never drink alcohol, take drugs or smoke, I never go to parties because I simply hate it. I am a partypooper and people have no fun around me.
I think I am very creative. But I heard that creativity is caused by depression, so I fear that I lose my creativity if I actually do try to get a girlfriend. On one hand I want a relationship, but on the other I fear that I lose who I am once I do get into one.
I am desperate and I don't know what to do. Help.