Short story: I am currently very weak, I have failed to take care of my body and currently even at this point my body hurts beyond hell. Honestly not even sure if I will be able to write this story fully, as much as it hurts. My life is close to an end and all I got left is League of Legend, not much to live by, but it's enough to make me happy. If you got anyway to encourage me, got for it.
1 Story of my life.
My name is Simon Nilsson. I am 22 years old and currently ‘am a student for Graphic Design. I was born in a rich family and my childhood was a pure hell from the very start, but the kind of the hell 1/20 people go through, and it’s extreme bulling. Ever since I was 6 years old (which I can remember) I have been one of the loneliest people in my whole village, the only friends I ever made was those who got forced to like me, my bullies. My school didn’t like bullied children so how did they solve it? By putting the bullied child and all bullies in 1 classroom where they were forced to be friends or they wouldn’t get to study properly, of course they also put 2 teachers to look over the children but I don’t think that helped me at all. When I turned 11 my parents found out I had a sickness called “ADD” I bet a lot of people heard of it, it’s almost the same as “ADHD”, but less aggressive. When my parents found this out they took drastic measures to get rid of the sickness by making me take pills against “ADHD”, I honestly no idea what I took pills against ADHD. It didn’t help a bit. The thing about the sickness “ADD” was that it caused my memories to fade away more quickly than other people and also made me a lot taller than my parents. The “ADHD” pills that I was to remove aggressive behavior, and had the side effect of making the inhaler very sleepy. After that all my grades, all my current life faded into desperation. When I was 12 years old my parents hired a “personal teacher” which was meant to put me on track with my grades again, at this point I finally went into video games on the computer and played a game called “AQWorlds” which was one of the best game I have ever played. Doe, it was also the trigger point of my desperation to overwhelm my personality, the game was based on MMO and high chat rate, and when went into it I had no experience in English. It took little time for the online base on that calling me “The most hated player in the gaming community” for my overall stupidity, trying to gain attention and trying to force “online girls” to like me.
2 Suicidal dream.
When I finally turned 13 to a teenager, my parents moved me to a different school with a class for disabled kids with 3 personal teachers. This was without doubt the most fun point in school I had in my life. So why this grimy title you ask? Well gaining friends was no longer a big problem, for the first time I made a friend in my life, which got me into playing more video games and stuff, you know where I’m heading. Video games + friends = No studying, no happy parents and horrible mental confident in myself. My parents at this point were doing the thing I think was my mental breakdown. The put password on the family computer which I was never to be able to break. So me and my friend was only able to talk at the 15 minutes’ breaks before we needed to go back to study.
At around winter that year, 5 months after school started. I was getting this extremely happy dream. The dream felt so real, like it was actually happening. The dream was about a girl who became my friend, and later on the one I loved. I had this dream for around 2 weeks straight and I couldn’t wait to go back to sleep, every time. Doe the last day on the 2nd week was pure hatred and mental instability for me. The girl I loved within my dream died. Killed by a car while I was just watching it happening. I could have sacrificed myself, but I didn’t. And soon after that last dream happened, I was no longer able to dream the same dream again. After that dream about the girl, I had a voice in my head every time I went to sleep. It said “Die young to see her again or live your life only to never feel loved again.” I kept having this dream until I was 15, where I turned into a satanic sadist. Who saw all humans as dogs and mere insects, I hated them. My parents saw this personality of me tons of tons of times and finally decided to get me a computer to maybe calm myself down. I did calm myself down, but not in the way they wanted me to do. I basically stopped brushing my teeth, stopped eating food, started drinking tons of Soda and never ever took body training. My body turned from normal teenage body, to an African starving person’s body. While all this happen my parents and sister were able to upgrade their jobs and next to almost the most important people in Sweden. While I was standing at the bottom of a hill and getting tramped by gravity every time I try to take step up. At this point my death were inevitable.
3 My current life.
Around 5 years ago when I was 17, I started playing LoL, it was the only game I could probably put my life into, and I finally might saw a future in myself as pro player. I played around 13-15 games each day and hard played to make sure I was doing my absolute best. But that never happened when last year ended I was still stuck on the same elo I gained from where I started, even if I done my best to improve myself, it wasn’t enough. And now I am at that point where my body aren’t able to keep up with my life anymore. My teeth are broken, my chin is broken, my stomach is hurting every time I’m on the toilet, my stamina is as little as a turtle, my muscles around my body hurts from stretching, my heart hurts every time I move around and now even my feet has stopped working properly. I am no longer able to eat candy due to my teeth and chin problem. I am no longer able to listen to loud music because It hurt every time I do; I am afraid I might go blind if someone aim light into my eyes.
And now when I finally got a way to gain money, my father is pressing every penny of my wallet for his own selfish want.
4 The end.
It’s probably not over just yet, I think my body still are capable of going for another year, but I think only a complete body rework can fix my body currently. If you guys know a way to handle myself better, go for it. But remember, my sickness. Mental Memory response is one of the worst things to have at young age.
Edit: I forgot to tell you that I am probobly currently one of the worst human beings on Earth, so maybe having me gone wouldn't be a bad idea, I am currently a sexist (towards men), racist, Sadist, god-hating satanic person.
If I get anyway to improve myself, I will probobly update this. But otherwise this might the last time I talk about my life to anyone.
2 edit: People wondered why I don't move out and cut ties with my family, and the reason I don't is cause I can't. I don't have any money to live on my own, it's very hard to get a job in Sweden without education too, most people who are without educations lives on the streets here, begging for money. I wish I could get a job and move out, I truly do. I think it would help a lot, but currently I just can't. There's no one to work for. I have 0 experience with any works in fact, even through I have been searching the last 3 years for one. When I was a student back in collage, I was forced into a subject my father wanted me to enjoy which was his own job, withing the electric branch. I wanted to be a game designer at that point, but that never happen cause of that collage I was force into, when I got out of collage I was rated as a F-tier student and my father continued to try to put me on things I disliked which resulted in nothing.
I currently have nothing except some small grades from summer collage and are currently doing the highschool exams. My teachers are supportive enough within this, and the money I earn from studying is abused and taken in by my father for the exchange of me being allowed to live in this house still. It's not much, but it's aright.